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The Muslim Woman and Her Community/Society (6 of 7)
4 / 2 / 2010
She sits wherever she finds room in a gathering
Another aspect of the manners of the true Muslim woman is that she sits wherever she finds room when she joins a gathering where other women have arrived before her and found a place to sit. This is a refined social etiquette that is derived from the example, in word and deed, of the Prophet (PBUH), and is a sign of good taste, sensitivity and politeness in the person who adopts it.
Such a refined Muslim woman does not force her way through the group of women who are sitting, or push them aside in order to force them to make space for her. This is in accordance with the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH) which he taught his Companions to adopt when they joined his gathering.
Jabir ibn Samurah (RAA) said:
"When we came to the Prophet (PBUH), we would sit wherever we found room."273
The well-mannered Muslim woman avoids pushing between two people, and comes between them only with their permission, if it is necessary to do so. Pushing between two people without their permission is something which the Prophet (PBUH) forbade and warned against:
"It is not permitted for a man to come between two people except with their permission."274
Pushing between two people, whether in a gathering or in other circumstances, is odd behaviour which Islam has made clear is disliked. Muslims are to avoid such behaviour. There are many hadith and athar (reports) to that effect; these reports are narrated in the masculine form, as they were spoken to the men who were usually around the Prophet (PBUH), to remind them of correct Islamic manners, but these rules apply equally to women. The laws and commandments of Islam are addressed to all Muslims, and both men and women are responsiblfor obeying its commands and following its guidance.
One of these reports is that of Sa`id al-Maqbari who said:
"I passed by Ibn `Umar and there was a man with him talking to him. I stood by them, and Ibn `Umar slapped my chest and said: `If you find two people talking, do not stand by them and do not sit with them, until you have asked their permission.' I said, `May Allah (SWT) guide you, O Abu `Abdul-Rahman! I only hoped to hear something good from you both.'"275
If someone gets up to let her sit in her place, she should not accept. This is better and more noble, and it is closer to the practice of the Sahabah, may Allah be pleased with them. Ibn `Umar (RAA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: `None of you should make another get up then sit in his place. All of you should move up and make space (for a latecomer)."276 If anyone stood up to give his place to him, Ibn `Umar would never accept it.277
On such occasions, the Muslim woman always abides by the guidance of Islam and the conduct of the Sahabah, may Allah be pleased with them. So she attains the social manners that are encouraged by Islam, and earns the reward of Allah (SWT) for following the Sunnah of His Prophet (PBUH).
She does not converse privately with another woman
when a third is present
Islam came to form human beings who are sensitive and civil, with an awareness and understanding of the feelings of others. Therefore Islam has set out social and moral guidelines that are at the heart of this religion, and we are commanded to follow these guidelines and apply them in our own lives.
One of the guidelines laid down by the Prophet (PBUH) is that two people should not talk pbetween themselves when a third person is present:
"If you are three, two should not converse privately to the exclusion of the other, until more people join you, because that will make him sad."278
The Muslim woman whose solid grounding in Islamic teaching has given her intelligence, sensitivity and good manners, avoids whispering and conversing privately when she is in a group of no more than three women. She is careful not to hurt the feelings of the third woman, lest she feel excluded and offended. If there is an urgent need for two of them to converse privately, then they must ask the permission of the third woman, speak briefly, then apologize to her.
This is the attitude of the Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam, and this is the civil way in which she deals with other women. She learns all this from the teachings of Islam and the stories of the Sahabah, whose lives and manners were so completely permeated with the teachings and morals of Islam, that they never ignored these sensitive issues in their dealings with people. This is reflected in many reports which describe their careful respect for human feelings. An example is the report given by Imam Malik in al-Muwatta', from `Abdullah ibn Dinar who said:
"Ibn `Umar and I were at the house of Khalid ibn `Uqbah, which was in the market, when a man came in wanting to speak to him (Ibn `Umar) in private. I was the only other person present, so Ibn `Umar called another man to make our number up to four. Then he told me and the newcomer, `Move a little way off together, for I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say, "Two should not converse privately to the exclusion of another."'"279
The Muslim woman who is truly guided by the teachings of Islam and the way in which the best of generations (i.e. the Sahabah) applied them follows the example of Ibn `Umar (RAA), who did not want to listen to a man who had come in off the street suddenly to converse with him in private, because he knew that there was a third person present whose feelings could be hurt if he asked him to move away on his own. He waited to listen to the man who wanted to converse in private, until he had called a fourth man, then he explained to all of them that this was the sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH), and repeated the hadith to them, reminding the Muslims that this is the approach they should take when they find themselves in such situations, respecting people's feelings and following the sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH).
How fine are the social manners encouraged by Islam! How great is the honour which Islam bestows upon human beings and the respect and consideration it shows towards their feelings!
She respects elders and distinguished people
Islam brought a host of fine social rules which instil an attitude of chivalry, nobility, good manners and politeness in the heart of the Muslim. One of the most prominent of these teachings is to give due respect to elders and those who are deserving of respect (such as scholars, etc.)
The Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam does not neglect to follow this most essential, basic Islamic ruling, which gives the Muslim woman her genuine identity in the Islamic society. Whoever lacks this quality forfeits his or her membership in this community and no longer has the honour of belonging to the ummah of Islam, as the Prophet (PBUH) stated:
"He does not belong to my ummah who does not honour our elders, show compassion to our young ones, and pay due respect to our scholars."280
Respect for elders and giving them priority over those who are younger, are indications of a community's or society's level of civility, of its members' understanding of the rules of human morality, and of their high level of good manners. This is just as true of women as it is of men. Hence the Prophet (PBUH) was keen to reinforce this understanding in the hearts of the Muslims, whilst he was raising the structure of the Islamic society. Among the evidence of his concern to achieve this are his words to `Abdul-Rahman ibn Sahl, who was speaking although he was the youngest member of the delegation that had come to the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) told him, "Let someone who is older than you speak, let someone who is older than you speak." So Abdul-Rahman fell silent, and someone who was older than him spoke.281
When the modern Muslim woman shows respect to a lady who is older than her, or honours a woman who is deserving of respect, she is doing a worthwhile moral duty that in fact is a part of worship, because honouring one's elders and those who are distinguished is part of glorifying Allah (SWT), as the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"Part of glorifying Allah (SWT) is honouring the grey-haired (i.e., older) Muslim, the one who has learnt the Qur'an by heart without exaggerating about it or ignoring its teachings, and honouring the just ruler."282
By behaving in this way, the Muslim woman follows the command of the Prophet (PBUH) to give people their rightful positions in the Islamic society. Imam Muslim mentions this at the beginning of his Sahih, where he says:
"It was reported that `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said, `The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) ordered us to put people in their rightful positions.'"283
The Muslim woman should not forget that giving people their rightful position means recognizing their positions and giving priority to elders, scholars, those who have memorised the Qur'an, those who are wise and those who are distinguished, whether they are men or women.
She does not look into other people's houses
Another of the qualities of the well-mannered Muslim woman is that she does not look around the home of her host or seek to inspect its contents. This is not behaviour that befits the wise, decent Muslim woman; it is a hateful, undesirable attitude. The Prophet (PBUH) warned those who let their gaze wander in gatherings and try to see things that are none of their business, and he said that it was permissible to put their eyes out:
"Whoever looks into someone's home without their permission, then it is permissible for the people of the house to put their eyes out."284
She avoids yawning in a gathering
as much as she can
The Muslim woman who is sensitive and well-mannered does not yawn in a gathering if she can help it. If the urge to yawn overtakes her, then she tries to resist it as much as possible. This is what the Prophet (PBUH) advised:
"If any of you wantsto yawn, then let him suppress it as much as possible."285
If the urge to yawn cannot be resisted, then she should cover her mouth with her hand, as the Prophet (PBUH) commanded:
"If any of you yawns, let him cover his mouth with his hand so that the Shaytan does not enter."286
Yawning in front of others is unpleasant and off-putting. It does not befit the decent person. Therefore he or she must resist the urge to yawn, or at least cover his or her open mouth with his or her hand, so that the others present need not see it. The Prophet (PBUH) taught the Muslims, men and women, how to behave properly in a social setting so that they will not put people off or make them feel that they are bored with them and want to leave them or want them to leave. This is the way in which the polite Muslim woman who follows Islamic etiquette conducts herself.
She follows Islamic etiquette
when she sneezes
It is no secret to the Muslim woman that just as Islam has defined the manners governing the act of yawning in gatherings, it has also defined the etiquette to be observed when one sneezes. Islam teaches the Muslims, men and women, how they should behave when they sneeze, what they should say to the one who sneezes, and how they should pray for him or her.
Abu Hurayrah (RAA) said:
"The Prophet (PBUH) said: `Allah (SWT) likes the act of sneezing and dislikes the act of yawning. When any one of you sneezes and says "al-hamdu-lillah", then he has the right to hear every Muslim say "yarhamuk Allah." But yawning is from the Shaytan, so if any of you feels the urge to yawn, he should resist it as much as he can, for when any of you yawns, the Shaytan laughs at him."287
This simple reflex action does not occur in the Muslim's life being regulated by certain manners which make the Muslims feel, in the depths of their heart, that this religion came to reform all issues in this life, great and small like, and to give them certain words to say which would constantly connect humanity to Allah (SWT), the Lord of the Worlds.
When a Muslim woman sneezes, she should say "Al-hamdu lillah," and the one who hears her should say, "yarhamuk Allah." Then she must respond to her sister's du`a' by saying "yahdikum Allah wa yuslih balakum (may Allah guide you and correct your thinking)." This is the teaching of the Prophet (PBUH) according to the hadith narrated by Bukhari:
"When any one of you sneezes, let him say `al-hamdu lillah,' and let his brother or companions say `yarhamuk Allah.' And if he says `yarhamuk Allah,' let the first one say, `yahdikum Allah wa yuslih balakum.'"288
This du`a', yarhamuk Allah, is said to the one who sneezes in response to his or her saying al-hamdu lillah. If he or she does not say al-hamdu lillah, then there is no obligation to respond in this way. The Prophet (PBUH) said:
"When any of you sneezes and praises Allah (SWT), then respond to him [by saying yarhamuk Allah], but if he does not praise Allah (SWT), then do not respond to him."289
Anas (RAA) said:
"Two men sneezed in the presence of the Prophet (PBUH), and he responded to one of them and not the other. The one to whom he did not respond said, `So-and-so sneezed and you responded. I sneezed and you did not respond.' He said, `He praised Allah (SWT), but you did not.'"290
Discussing these words which the Prophet (PBUH) encouraged the Muslims to say when someone sneezes highlights their ultimate aim, which is to mention and praise Allah (SWT), and to strengthen the ties of brotherhood and friendship among all Muslims, men and women. The one who sneezes praises Allah (SWT) for relief from some sensitivity or irritation which he had in his nose, and the one who hears him praise Allah (SWT) prays for mercy for him, because the one who praises Allah (SWT) deserves mercy. The one who sneezes then responds with a longer and more comprehensive du`a' which is full of meanings of goodness, love and friendship.
Thus Islam takes these involuntary actions of Muslims and makes them into opportunities for remembering and praising Allah (SWT) and reinforcing the feelings of brotherhood (and sisterhood), love and compassion in their hearts.
Another of the good manners to be observed when sneezing is to place one's hand over one's mouth and to make as little noise as possible. This is what the Prophet (PBUH) used to do. Abu Hurayrah (RAA) said,
"When the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) sneezed, he used to place his hand or part of his garment over his mouth and thus reduce the noise he made."291
The well-mannered Muslim woman who is aware of Islamic etiquette does not forget, in such situations where a person may be taken by surprise, to conduct herself in the manner prescribed by the Prophet (PBUH) and to use the same words that he is reported to have used when he sneezed. This is the etiquette to be observed, in obedience to the words of the Prophet (PBUH), whenever she or another person sneezes, or in response to a sister who "blesses" her (says yarhamuk Allah) when she sneezes.
She does not seek the divorce of another woman
so that she may take her place
The true Muslim woman feels that she is living in a Muslim community, whose members are her brothers and sisters. In such a divinely-guided community, cheating, deceit, treachery and all the other vile attitudes that are rampant in societies that have deviated from the guidance of Allah (SWT), are forbidden.
One of the worst of these attitudes is that of the woman who looks at a married man with the intention of snatching him from his wife once they are divorced so that he will be all hers. The true Muslim woman is the furthest removed from this vile attitude, which the Prophet (PBUH) forbade when he forbade a numbers of other, similarly evil attitudes and practices. We see this in the hadith narrated by Bukhari and Muslim from Abu Hurayrah (RAA), who said:
"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: `Do not outbid one another (in order to raise prices artificially)292; do not undercut one another293; a town-dweller should not sell something on behalf of a Bedouin294; a man should not propose to a woman to whom his brother has already proposed; a woman should not ask for the divorce of another so that she might deprive her of everything that belongs to her.295"296
According to a report narrated by Bukhari, also from Abu Hurayrah, the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"It is not permitted for a woman to ask for her sister's divorce so that she may take everything she has, for she will have what has been decreed for her."297
The Muslim woman is the sister of another, and believes that what Allah (SWT) has decreed for her must surely happen. She cannot be a true believer unless she likes for her sister what she likes for herself, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself."298
The Muslim woman is protected by her knowledge and faith from falling into the trap of this sin. She is saved from such appalling error by her obedience to Allah (SWT) and His Messenger, and by her acceptance of the high human values that Islam has made part of her nature. She does not avoid this sin only to be protected from the scandal that surrounds a woman who commits such a vile deed; a woman could conceal her evil schemes and thus be spared social blame, but she can never escape the punishment of Allah (SWT), Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden. [Ta-Ha 20:7]
She chooses the work that suits
her feminine nature
Islam has spared women the burden of having to work to earn a living, and has made it obligatory on her father, brother, husband or other male relative to support her. So the Muslim woman does not seek work outside the home unless there is pressing financial need due to the lack of a relative or spouse to maintain her honourably, or her community needs her to work in a specialised area such as befits her feminine nature and will not compromise her honour or religion.
Islam has made it obligatory for a man to spend on his family, and has given him the responsibility of earning the costs of living, so that his wife may devote herself being a wife and mother, creating a joyful and pleasant atmosphere in the home and organising and running its affairs.
This is the Islamic view of woman and the family, and this is the Islamic philosophy of marriage and family life.
The Western philosophy of women's role, the home, the family and children is based on the opposite of this. When a girl reaches a certain age - usually seventeen years old - neither her father, her brother nor any of her male relatives are obliged to support her. She has to look for work to support herself, and to save whatever she can to offer to her future husband. If she gets married, she has to help her husband with the expenses of the home and children. When she gets old, if she is still able to earn, she must continue to work to earn a living, even if her children are rich.
No doubt the wise Muslim woman understands the huge difference between the position of the Muslim woman and the position of women in the West. The Muslim woman is honoured, protected, and guaranteed a decent living; the Western woman works hard and is subjected to exhaustion and humiliation, especially when she reaches old age.
Since the end of the last century, Western thinkers have continually complained about the plight of Western women. They have warned their people about the impending collapse of Western civilization, due to women's going out to work, the disintegration of the family and the neglect of the children.
The great Islamic da`i Dr. Mustafa al-Siba`i, may Allah have mercy on him, collected a number of comments by Western thinkers in his book Al-mar'ah bayna al-fiqh wa'l-qanun (Woman between fiqh and law). These comments reflect the severe anger and deep anguish felt by those thinkers when they see how low the position of women in the West has become. We wilook here at a few of these comments that give a vivid impression of the state of women in the West.
The French economic philosopher Jules Simon said: "Women have started to work in textile factories and printing presses, etc. . .. The government is employing them in factories, where they may earn a few francs. But on the other hand, this has utterly destroyed the bases of family life. Yes, the husband may benefit from his wife's earnings, but apart from that, his earnings have decreased because now she is competing with him for work."
He also commented: "There are other, higher-class women, who work as book-keepers or store-keepers, or who are employed by the government in the field of education. Many of them work for the telegraph service, the post office, the railways or the Bank of France, but these positions are taking them away from their families completely."299
"A woman must remain a woman, because with this quality she can find happiness or bring it to others. Let us reform the position of women, but let us not change them. Let us beware of turning them into men, because that would make them lose much, and we would lose everything. Nature300 has done everything perfectly, so let us study it and try to improve it, and let us beware of anything that could take us away from its laws."301
The famous English writer Anna Ward said: "It is better for our daughters to work as servants in houses or like servants at home. This is better, and less disastrous than letting them work in factories, where a girl become dirty and her life is destroyed. I wish that our country was like the lands of the Muslims, where modesty, chastity and purity are like a garment. Servants and slaves there live the best life, where they are treated like the children of the house and no-one harms their honour. Yes, it is a source of shame for England that we make our daughters examples of promiscuity by mixing so much with men. Why do we not try to pursue that which makes a girl do work that agrees with her natural temperament, by staying at home, and leaving men's work for the men, to keep her honour safe."302
The Western woman envies the Muslim woman, and wishes that she could have some of the rights, honour, protection and stability that the Muslim woman enjoys. There are many proofs of this, some of which have been quoted above (see p 86 of orig.). Another example is the comment of an Italian student of law at Oxford University, after she had heard something of the rights of women in Islam and how Islam gave women all kinds of respect by sparing her the obligation to earn a living so that she may devote herself to caring for her husband and family. This Italian girl said: "I envy the Muslim woman, and wish that I had been born in your country."303
This reality sunk into the minds of the leaders of the women's movement in the Arab world, especially those who were reasonable and fair. Salma al-Haffar al-Kazbari, who visited Europe and America more than once, commented in the Damascus newspaper al-Ayyam (September 3, 1962), in response to Professor Shafiq Jabri's remarks on the misery of the American woman in his book Ard al-sihr (The land of magic):
"The well-travelled scholar noted, for example, that the Americans teach their children from a very early age to love machines and heroism in their games. He also remarked that the women have started to do men's work, in car factories and street-cleaning, and he felt sorry for the misery of the woman who spends her youth and her life doing something that does not suit her feminine nature and attitude. What Professor Jabri has to say made me feel happy, because I came back from my own trip to the United States five years ago, feeling sorry for the plight of women to which they have been drawn by the currents of blind equality. I felt sorry for their struggle to earn a living, for they have even lost their freedom, that absolute freedom for which they strived for so long. Now they have become prisoners of machines and of time. It is too difficult to go back now, and unfortunately it is true that women have lost the dearest and best things granted to them by nature, by which I mean their femininity, and their happiness. Continuous, exhausting work has caused them to lose the small paradise which is the natural refuge of men and women alike. Children cannot grow and flourish without the presence of a woman who stays at home with them. It is in the home and in the bosom of the family that the happiness of society and individuals rests; the family is the source of inspiration, goodness and genius."
Throwing women into the battlefield of work, where they must compete with men to take their place or share their positions, when there is no need to do so and the interests of society as a whole do not require it, is indeed a grave mistake. It is a great loss that nations and peoples suffer from at times of decline, tribulation and error. The Muslim woman who is guided by the Qur'an and Sunnah does not accept to be thrown into that battlefield, and refuses to become some cheap commodity that is fought over by the greedy capitalists, or some gaudy doll whose company is enjoyed by immoral so-called men. She rejects, with fierce pride, that false "progress" that calls for women to come out uncovered, almost naked and adorned with make up, to work alongside men in offices. With this wise, balanced, honourable attitude, she is in fact doing a great service to her society and nation, by calling for an end to this ridiculous competition of women with men in the workplace, and the resulting corruption, neglect of the family, and waste of money. This is the best good deed a woman can do, as was reflected by the comments of the ruler of North Korea to the Women's Union conference held in his country in 1981:
"We make women enter society, but the reason for that is definitely not a lack of workers. Frankly speaking, the burden borne now by the state because of women's going out is greater than any benefits that may result from women's going out to work. . . So why do we want women to go out and be active in society? Because the main aim is to make women become revolutionary, so that they will become part of the working class through their social activity. Our party encourages women to go out and be active in revolutiwomen and making them part of the working class, no matter how great a burden this places on the state."
No doubt the truly-guided Muslim woman knows exactly where she stands when she realises the great difference between the laws of Islam and the laws of jahiliyyah. So she chooses the laws of Allah (SWT), and does not pay any attention to the nonsense calls of jahiliyyah that come from here and there every so often:
Do they then seek a judgement of [the Days of] Ignorance? But who, for a people whose faith is assured, can give better judgement than Allah? (Qur'an 5:50)
She does not imitate men
The Muslim woman who is proud of her Islamic identity does not imitate men at all, because she knows that for a woman to imitate men, or a man to imitate women, is forbidden by Islam. The wisdom and eternal law of Allah (SWT) dictate that men have a character distinct from that of women, and vice versa. This distinction is essential for both sexes, because each of them has its own unique role to play in life. The distinction between the basic functions and roles of each sex is based on the differences in character between them; in other words, men and women have different characters and personalities.
Islam put things in order when it defined the role in life of both men and women, and directed each to do that for which they were created. Going against this divinely-ordained definition is a rebellion against the laws of nature according to which Allah (SWT) created man, and is a distortion of the sound, original nature of man. This is surely abhorrent to both sexes, and nothing is more indicative of this than the fact that women despise those effeminate men who imitate women, and men despise those coarse, rough women who act like men. The universe cannot be cultivated and populated properly, and humanity cannot achieve true happi, unless the sexes are clearly differentiated, so that each may appreciate and enjoy the unique character of the other, and both may work together to achieve those aims.
For all these reasons, Islamic teachings issue a severe and clear warning to men who imitate women and women who imitate men.
Ibn `Abbas (RAA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) cursed the men who act like women and the women who act like men."304
In another report, Ibn `Abbas said:
"The Prophet (PBUH) cursed men who act effeminate and women who act like men, and said, `Expel them from your houses.' The Prophet (PBUH) expelled So-and-so [a man], and Abu Bakr expelled So-and-so [a woman]."305
Abu Hurayrah (RAA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) cursed the man who dresses like a woman and the woman who dresses like a man."306
When the Muslims were in good shape, governed by the shari`ah of Allah (SWT) and guided by the light of Islam, there was no trace of this problem of men and women resembling one another. But nowadays, when the light of Islam has dimmed in our societies, we find many young girls wearing tight, body-hugging trousers and unisex shirts, with uncovered heads and arms, who look like young men; and we find effeminate men, wearing chains of gold around their necks that dangle on their bare chests, and with long flowing hair that makes them look like young women. It is very difficult to tell the difference between them.
These shameful scenes, that may be seen in some Islamic countries that have been overcome by al-ghazw al-fikri (intellectual colonialism) and whose youth are spiritually defeated, are alien to the Islamic ummah and its values and customs. They have come to us from both the corrupt West and faithless East, which have been overwhelmed by waves of hippies, existentialism, frivolity and nihilism, and other deviant ideas that have misguided humanity and caused great suffering, as they have led people far away from their true, sound nature (fitrah) and distorted them, bringing the worst problems and diseases to those people as a result.
We have also suffered from the fall-out of all this, which overtook the lives of men and women who deviated from the guidance of Allah (SWT) in some Muslim countries after the collapse of the khilafah and the disintegration of the ummah. Many Islamic values were lost, and these deviant men and women became alienated from the ummah, rebelling against its true, original values and distinct character.
She calls people to the truth
The true Muslim woman understands that mankind was not created in vain, but was created to fulfil a purpose, which is to worship Allah (SWT):
I have only created Jinns and men, that they may serve Me. (Qur'an 51:56)
Worshipping Allah (SWT) may be done through any positive, constructive action undertaken to cultivate and populate the world, to make the word of Allah (SWT) supreme on earth, and to apply His laws in life. All of these constitute part of that truth to which Muslim men and women are required to call people.
Hence the true Muslim woman is aware of her duty to call as many other women as possible to the truth in which she believes, seeking thereby the great reward which Allah (SWT) has promised those who sincerely call others to the truth, as the Prophet (PBUH) said to `Ali (RAA):
"By Allah (SWT), if Allah (SWT) were to guide just one man through you it would be better for you than red camels."307
A good word which the Muslim woman says to other women who are careless about matters of religion, or to a woman who has deviated from the guidance of Allah (SWT), will have an effect on them, and will come back to the sister who calls others to Allah (SWT) with a great reward that is worth more than red camels, which were the most precious and sought-after wealth among the Arabs at that time. In addition, a reward like that of the ones who are guided at her hands will also be given to her, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"Whoever calls people to the truth will have a reward like that of those who follow him, without it detracting in the least from their reward."308
The Muslim woman does not think little of whatever knowledge she has if she is calling other women to Allah (SWT). It is sufficient for her to convey whatever knowledge she has learned, or heard from other peoples' preaching, even if it is just one ayah from the Book of Allah (SWT). This is what the Prophet (PBUH) used to tell his Companions to do:
"Convey (knowledge) from me even if it is just one ayah . . ."309
This is because whether or not a person is guided may depend on just one word of this ayah which may touch her heart and ignite the spark of faith, so that her heart and her life will be illuminated with the light of guidance.
The Muslim woman who is calling others to Allah (SWT) does not spare any effort in calling other women to the truth - and how great is the need for this call in these times - seeking the pleasure of Allah (SWT) and spreading awareness among those women who were not fortunate enough to receive this teaching and guidance previously, and thus proving that she likes for her sister what she likes for herself. These are the characteristics of the woman who calls others to Allah (SWT), that distinguish her from ordinary women. They are noble, worthy characteristics that were highly praised and encouraged by the Prophet (PBUH):
"May Allah (SWT) make his face shine, the one who hears something from us and conveys it as he hears it, for perhaps the one to whom it is conveyed will understand it better than the one who conveyed it."310
The Muslim woman who is truly guided by the Qur'an and Sunnah is like a lighted lamp that shows travellers the way on the darkest night. She cannot conceal her light from her sisters who are stumbling in the darkness when she has seen the great reward that Allah (SWT) has prepared for true, sincere callers to the truth.
She enjoins what is good and
forbids what is evil
The duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil (al-amr bi'l-ma`ruf wa'l-nahy `an al-munkar) is not confined only to men; it applies equally to men and women, as is stated in the Qur'an:
The Believers, men and women, are protectors, one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regulprayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His Mercy: for Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. (Qur'an 9:71)
Islam gave women a high social standing when it gave her this great social responsibility of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil. For the first time in history, women were to be the ones issuing instructions, whereas everywhere else except in Islam they had been the ones to receive instructions
In response to this responsibility, which in fact is a great honour, the Muslim woman rises up to carry out the duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, within the limits of what suits her feminine nature. Within the limits of her own specialised field, she confronts evil - which is no small matter in the world of women - whenever she sees it, and she opposes it with reason, deliberation, wisdom and a clever, good approach. She tries to remove it with her hand, if she is able to and if doing so will not lead to worse consequences. If she cannot remove it by her actions, then she speaks out to explain what is right, and if she is not able to do so, then she opposes it in her heart, and starts to think of ways and means of opposing and eradicating it. These are the means of opposing evil that were set out by the Prophet (PBUH):
"Whoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand, and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart - and that is the weakest of faith."311
When the alert Muslim woman undertakes this duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, she is in effect being sincere towards her wayward or negligent Muslim sisters, for religion is sincerity (or sincere advice), as the Prophet (PBUH) explained most eloquently when he summed up Islam in one word: nasihah. If that is indeed the case, then the Muslimwoman has no option but to enjoin what is good and forbid what is wrong, in order to fulfil the definition of sincerity as stated by the Prophet (PBUH):
"Religion is sincerity (nasihah)." We asked, "To whom?" He said, "To Allah (SWT), to His Book, to His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk."312
The Muslim woman's speaking out to offer nasihah and to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil in women's circles will lead to the correction of many unIslamic customs, traditions and habits that are prevalent among some women. How many such practices there are among women who neglect or deviate from Islam; the Muslim woman who confronts these customs and explains the correct Islamic point of view is doing the best thing she can for her society and ummah, and she is one of the best of people:
A man stood up whilst the Prophet (PBUH) was on the minbar and asked: "O Messenger of Allah, which of the people is the best?" He said, "The best of the people are those are most well-versed in Qur'an, those who are most pious, those who most enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and those who are most respectful towards their relatives."313
The alert Muslim woman is a woman with a mission. She never remains silent about falsehood or fails to uphold the truth or accepts any deviation. She always strives to benefit her sisters in the Muslim community, and save them from their own shortcomings, backwardness, ignorance and deviations. She undertakes her duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, in obedience to the command of Allah (SWT) and His Messenger, and to protect herself from the punishment of Allah (SWT) which befalls those societies where no voice is raised to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil.
When Abu Bakr (RAA) became the khalifah, he ascended the minbar, praised Allah (SWT), then said, "O people, you recite the ayah, `O you who believe! Guard your own souls: if you follow [right] guidance no hurt can come to you from those who stray . . .' (Qur'an 5:105) and you are misinterpreting it. Verily I heard the Prophet (PBUH) say: `Those people who see some evil and do not oppose it or seek change will shortly all be punished by Allah (SWT).'"314
The Muslim woman who is sincere in her Islam, whose faith is strong and whose mind is open to the guidance of Islam, is always active in the cause of goodness, enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, offering sincere advice and reforming corrupt situations. She does not accept negativity, passiveness, negligence or vacillation in herself, and never accepts any compromise or deviance in matters of Islam and its rituals. Religion and `aqidah are serious matters; it is no joke, and it is not permitted to remain silent about any deviance or error in religious matters, otherwise we will end up like the Jews, who earned Allah's wrath when they vacillated and became careless with regard to their religion:
"Among the people who came before you, the children of Israel, if any one of them did wrong, one of them would denounce him so that he could say that he had done his duty, but the next day he would sit and eat with him as if he had never seen him do anything wrong the day before. When Allah (SWT) saw this attitude of theirs, he turned the hearts of some of them against others and cursed them by the tongue of Dawud and `Isa ibn Maryam, because they disobeyed and persisted in excesses [cf. Qur'an 5:78]. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, you must enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and you must stay the hand of the wrongdoer and give him a stern warning to adhere to the truth, otherwise Allah (SWT) will surely turn the hearts of some of you against others, and curse you as He has cursed them."315
She is wise and eloquent in her da`wah
The Muslim woman who seeks to call others to Allah (SWT) is eloquent and clever in her da`wah, speaking wisely and without being pushy to those whom she calls, and taking into account their intellectual levels and social positions. With this wise and good preaching, she is able to reach their hearts and minds, just as the Qur'an advises:
Invite [all] to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching . . . (Qur'an 16:125)
The sister who is calling others is careful not to be long-winded or boring, and she avoids over-burdening her audience. She does not speak for too long, or discuss matters that are difficult to understand. She introduces the idea that she wants to convey in a brief and clear fashion, using attractive and interesting methods, and presenting the information in stages, so that her audience will understand it easily and will be eager to put their new knowledge into practice. This is what the Prophet (PBUH) used to do in his own preaching, as the great Sahabi `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud (RAA) tells us. He used to preach a little at a time to the people, every Thursday. A man said to him, "I wish that you would teach us every day." He said, "What prevents me from doing so is the fact that I would hate to bore you. I show consideration towards you by choosing a suitable time to teach you, just as the Prophet (PBUH) used to do with us, for fear of making us bored."316
One of the most important qualities of the wise and eloquent da`iyah is that she is gentle with the women she is calling. She is patient with the slowness or inability to understand on the part of some of them, their ignorance of many matters of religion, their repeated mistakes and their many tedious questions, following the example of the master of all those men and women who call others to the way of Allah (SWT) - the Prophet (PBUH) - who was the supreme example of patience, kindness and open-heartedness. He responded to questioners like a tolerant, caring guide and gently-correcting teacher, never frustrated by their slowness to understand, or irritated by their many questions and the need to repeat the same answers many times until they understood and left him, content with the lesson they had learned.
An example of this gentle approach is the account of the Sahabi Mu`awiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Sulami (RAA), who said:
"Whilst I was praying with the Prophet (PBUH), one of the men in the congsneezed, so I said, `Yarhamuk Allah (may Allah have mercy on you).' The people glared at me, so I said, `May my mother be bereft of me! What are you staring at me like that for?' They began to strike their thighs with their hands, and when I realised that they were telling me to be quiet, I fell silent. The Prophet (PBUH), may my father and mother be sacrificed for him, finished the prayer, and I have never seen a better teacher than he, before or since. By Allah (SWT), he did not rebuke me or strike me or insult me. He merely said, `This prayer should contain nothing of the everyday speech of men; it is just tasbih, takbir and the recitation of Qur'an,' or words to that effect. I said, `O Messenger of Allah, I am still very close to the time of jahiliyyah (i.e., I am very new in Islam). Allah (SWT) has brought us Islam, yet there are some among us who still go to soothsayers.' He said, `Never go to them.' I said, `And there are some who are superstitious.' He said, `That is just something that they imagine; it should not stop them from going ahead with their plans.'"317
Another characteristic of the successful da`iyah, and one of the most attractive and influential methods she can use, is that she does not directly confront wrongdoers with their deeds, or those who are failing with their shortcomings. Rather she is gentle in her approach when she addresses them, hinting at their wrongdoing or shortcomings indirectly rather than stating them bluntly, and asking them, gently and wisely, to rid themselves of whatever bad deeds or failings they have. She is careful not to hurt their feelings or put them off her da`wah. This wise, gentle approach is more effective in treating social ills and moral and psychological complaints, and it is the method followed by the Prophet (PBUH), as `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:
"When the Prophet (PBUH) heard that someone had done something wrong, he did not say `What is wrong withso-and-so that he says (such-and-such)?' Rather, he would say, `What is wrong with some people that they say such-and-such?. . ."318
Another important feature of the da`iyah, that will guarantee her success, is that she speaks clearly to her audience and repeats her words without boring them until she is certain that they have understood and that her words have reached their hearts. This is what the Prophet (PBUH) used to do, as Anas (RAA) said:
"The Prophet (PBUH) used to repeat things three times when he spoke, so that they would be understood. When he came to a people, he would greet them with salam three times."319
`A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:
"The speech of the Prophet was very clear. Everyone who heard it understood it."320
She mixes with righteous women
In her social life, the Muslim woman seeks to make friends with righteous women, so that they will be close friends and sisters to her, and she will be able to co-operate with them in righteousness, taqwa and good deeds, and in guiding and teaching other women who may have little awareness of Islam. Mixing with righteous women always brings goodness, benefits and a great reward, and deepens women's sound understanding of Islam. For this reason it was encouraged in the Qur'an:
And keep your soul content with those who call on their Lord morning and evening, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes pass beyond them, seeking the pomp and glitter of this Life; nor obey any whose heart We have permitted to neglect the remembrance of Us, one who follows his own desires, whose case has gone beyond all bounds. (Qur'an 18:28)
The true Muslim woman only makes friends with noble, virtuous, righteous, pious women, as the poet said: "Mixing with people of noble character, you will be counted as one of them, So do not take anyone else for a friend."
The true Muslim woman does not find it difficult to mix with righteous women, even if they are apparently below her own socio-economic level. What really counts is a woman's essential personality, not her physical appearance or wealth. Musa ( ), the Prophet of Allah, followed the righteous servant so that he might learn from him, saying with all good manners and respect:
May I follow you on the footing that you teach me something of the [Higher] Truth which you have been taught? (Qur'an 18:66)
When the righteous servant answered:
Verily, you will not be able to have patience with me! (Qur'an 18:67)
Musa said, with all politeness and respect:
You will find me, if Allah so will, [truly] patient: nor shall I disobey you in aught. (Qur'an 18:69)
When choosing friends from among the righteous women, the Muslim woman does not forget that people are like metals, some of which are precious while others are base, as the Prophet (PBUH) explained when describing different types of people:
"People are metals like gold and silver. The best of them at the time of Jahiliyyah will be the best of them in Islam, if they truly understand. Souls are like conscripted soldiers: if they recognise one another, they will become friends, and if they dislike one another, they will go their separate ways."321
The Muslim woman also knows from the teachings of her religion that friends are of two types: the righteous friend and the bad friend. The good friend is like the bearer of musk: when she sits with her, there is an atmosphere of relaxation, generosity, perfume and happiness. The bad friend is like the one who operates the bellows: when one sits with her, there is the heat of flames, smoke, stench and an atmosphere of gloom. The Prophet (PBUH) gave the best analogy of this:
"The good companion and the bad companion are like the bearer of musk and the one who pumps the bellows. With the bearer of musk, either he will give you a share, or you will buy from him, or you will smell a pleasant scent from him; but with the one who pumps the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you will smell a foul stench from him."322
Therefore the Sahabah used to encourage one another to visit good people who would remind them of Allah (SWT) and fill their hearts with fear of Allah (SWT), religious teaching and respect. Anas (RAA) reported the following incident:
"Abu Bakr said to `Umar (RAA), after the Prophet (PBUH) had died, `Let us go and visit Umm Ayman323 as the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to do.' When they reached her, she wept, so they asked her, `Why do you weep? What is with Allah (SWT) is better for the Prophet (PBUH) (than this world).' She said, `I am not weeping because I do not know that what is with Allah (SWT) is better for the Prophet (PBUH). I am weeping because the Revelation from Heaven has ceased.' She moved them deeply with these words, and they began to weep with her."324
The gatherings of righteous women, where Allah (SWT) is remembered and the conversation is serious and beneficial, are surrounded by the angels and shaded by Allah (SWT) with His mercy. In such gatherings, souls and minds are purified and refreshed. It befits righteous, believing women to increase their attendance at such gatherings and benefit from them, as this will do them good in this world and bring them a high status in the Hereafter.
She strives to reconcile between
Muslim women
The Muslim community is distinguished by the fact that it is a community in which brotherhood prevails, a society that is filled with love, communication, understanding, tolerance and purity. However, it is still a human society, and as such it cannot be entirely free of occasional disputes and conflicts which may arise among its members from time to time and lead to division and a breaking of ties.
But these disputes, which emerge sometimes in the Muslim community, soon disappear, because of the divine guidance that the members of this community have received, which reinforces the feelings of brotherhood, love and closeness among them, and destroys the roots of hatred and enmity, and because of the good efforts for reconciliation that Islam urges its followers to make whenever there is a dispute between close friends, where the Shaytan has caused conflict and division betweethem. We have seen above how Islam forbids two disputing Muslims to forsake one another for more than three days:
"It is not permitted for a believer to forsake another for more than three days. If three days have passed, let him meet him and greet him with salam. If he returns the greeting, then they will both share in the reward, and if he does not return the greeting, then the one who initiated the greeting will be free of blame."325
Islam also commands the Muslims, men and women, to reconcile between two conflicting parties:
If two parties among the Believers fall into a quarrel, make peace between them: but if one of them transgresses beyond bounds against the other, then fight [all of you] against the one that transgresses until it complies, then make peace between them with justice, and be fair: for Allah loves those who are fair [and just]. (Qur'an 49:9)
The society of believing men and women should be governed by justice, love and brotherhood:
The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: so make peace and reconciliation between your two [contending] brothers; and fear Allah, that you may receive Mercy. (Qur'an 49:10)
Therefore the Muslim woman is required to reconcile between her disputing sisters, following the guidance of Islam. Islam has permitted women to add words for the purpose of bringing disputing parties together and softening stony hearts. Such comments are not considered to be the kinds of lies that are haram, and the one who says them is not regarded as a liar or a sinner. We find evidence of this in the hadith of Umm Kalthum bint `Uqbah ibn Abi Mu`ayt (May Allah be pleased with her), who said:
"I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: `He is not a liar who reconciles between people by telling them good news or saying something good.'"326
According to a report narrated by Muslim, she added:
"I did not hear him permit anything of what people might say except in three cases." She meant: war, reconciling between people, and the speech of a man to his wife or a wife to her husba.327
She mixes with other women and
puts up with their insults
The active Muslim woman is a woman with a mission who has a message to deliver. Whoever undertakes this important mission should prepare herself to be patient and steadfast, and to make sacrifices along the way.
The active Muslim woman has no other choice but to put up with the bad attitude and rude reactions of some women, their misinterpretation of her aims, their mocking of her call to adhere to the morals and manners of Islam, their shallow and confused thinking, their slow response to the truth, their focus on themselves and their own interests, their concern with foolish, trivial matters, their devotion to this world and its pleasures, their failure to take the Hereafter into account or to follow the commandments of Islam, and other foolish things that may annoy the da`iyahs and make them, in moments of irritation and frustration, think of isolating themselves and keeping away from people, and abandoning their work for the sake of Allah (SWT). This is what all those men and women who seek to call others to Allah (SWT) face in every place and time.
For this reason the Prophet (PBUH) sought to strengthen the resolve of the believers and reassure them, by announcing that those who have patience in treading the long and difficult path of da`wah are better, according to the scale of taqwa and righteous deeds, than those who have no patience:
"The believer who mixes with people and bears their insults with patience is better than the one who does not mix with people or bear their insults with patience."328
The Prophet (PBUH), and the other Prophets before him, represent the supreme example of patience in the face of people's misbehaviour, suspicions and foolishness. The da`i needs to hold fast to this example every time he feels his patience running out, or that he is under stress and overwhelmed by the insults and hostility of people.
One example of the Prophet's supreme patience comes in a report given by Bukhari and Muslim. The Prophet (PBUH) divided some goods as he usually did, but one of the Ansar said, "By Allah (SWT), this division was not done for the sake of Allah (SWT)." The Prophet (PBUH) heard these unjust words and was deeply offended by them. His expression changed and he became angry, but then he said, "Musa suffered worse insults than these, and he bore them with patience." With these few words, the Prophet's anger was dispelled and his noble, forgiving heart was soothed.
This is the attitude of the Prophets and the sincere da`is in every time and place: patience in the face of people's insults, suspicions and rumours. Without this patience, the da`wah could not continue and the da`is could not persevere.
The clever Muslim woman who calls other to Allah (SWT) is not lacking in intelligence; she is able to understand the psychology, intellectual level and social position of her audience, and she addresses each type of woman in the way that will be most appropriate and effective.
She repays favours and is grateful for them
One of the characteristics of the true Muslim woman is that she is faithful and loyal: she appreciates favours and thanks the one who does them, following the command of the Prophet (PBUH):
"Whoever has a good turn done to him should return the favour."329
"Whoever seeks refuge with Allah (SWT), then grant him protection . . . and whoever does you a good turn, then return the favour."330
For the alert Muslim woman, gratitude for favours is a religious matter encouraged by the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH). It is not merely the matter of social courtesy dictated by mood or whatever interests may be at stake. The one who does a favour deserves to be thanked, even if no particular interest is served by her deed. It is sufficient that she has done a favour, and for this she deserves to be sincerely thanked. This is what Islam expects of Muslim men and women. One thanks the other person for her good intentions and chivalrous motives, and for hastening to do good, regardless of the actual or potential outcome in terms of one's interests and desires.
The concern of Islam to establish this attitude in the heart of the Muslim reached the extent that gratitude towards Allah (SWT) is deemed to be incomplete and imperfect without gratitude towards people for their favours and good deeds. The one who does not thank people for their acts of kindness or find a word to say that will make them feel chivalrous, is an ungrateful wretch who does not appreciate blessings or give thanks for them. Such a one is not qualified to give thanks to Allah (SWT), the Giver of all blessings and favours. Concerning this the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"He does not give thanks to Allah (SWT) who does not give thanks to people."331
The wise Muslim woman does not forget that thanking the one who has done a favour encourages good deeds and makes people become accustomed to acknowledging and appreciating good deeds. All of this will strengthen the ties of friendship between the members of a community, open their hearts to love, and motivate them to do good deeds. This is what Islam aims to instil and reinforce in the Islamic society.
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